In 2023, my keyword is ESCAPE. I’ve been avoiding facing the real me, avoiding confronting family and friends around me. I locked myself in a comfortable room, escaping from the real life, and letting down the people around me. However, choosing to flee didn’t give me more opportunities to become the people I wanna be. Instead, it took me further away from the version of myself I aspired to be. I closed the doors of communication with the world and also shut off the entrance to talk to myself. Completely, forever, in my inferiority, I hid in a corner where no one could find me, letting my wounds bleed, fester, and rot away. Even pain, the pain from my own body, I could no longer feel.

This might sound a bit pessimistic, but I believe everyone will face their darkest moments in life, just like we all have our own eruke moments. We’ll also experience terrible times, it’s just a matter of when. So, I don’t want to dwell too much on the details here; instead, I’d prefer to look back at some happy moments from 2023 and find the motivation to keep striving for a better life amidst those joyful memories.

With my friends

In February, Xavier took the ferry from Shenzhen to Macau for some fun, and I spent two days showing him around. Having accompanied Matilda last year made me feel more adept this time. Deciding where to eat, planning our itinerary, or dealing with unexpected changes—all were handled with ease. Since it was the beginning of the year, which means that the pandemic had just ended with travel restrictions lifted, hotel prices were still reasonable, in a low level price. In May, Yang and his colleagues took advantage of the Labor Day holiday to travel from Shenzhen to Hong Kong and then on to Macau. I had a great time exploring new shops and checking out new attractions with them.

In June, KitL, his soulmate, and I spent a day each in Hong Kong, Zhuhai, and Macau—creating memories that are still vividly cherished. Over the years in Macau, I’ve become quite familiar with its streets and alleys; it feels like I can navigate without needing a map wherever we go. Being here with friends is truly a joyous thing.

Connecting with friends is a vital part of my life that I hold dear. In the first half of 2023, I spent quite a lot of time with my friends. However, in the latter half, it seems that our connection has weakened as I became more withdrawn and intentionally distanced myself. Fortunately, it’s comforting to see that despite everything, my friends are still by my side, always there for me.

With my family

This year, I’ve spent quite a lot of time with my family, which has given me the chance to better understand them—their personalities, habits, and various other traits. Amidst our frequent daily interactions, we’ve experienced all sorts of extraordinary things together.

The support from my family is a tremendous source of motivation for me; it’s what drives me to continue on my own path in life and make my own choices. Perhaps no family is as perfect as one might imagine—there are this or that kind of issues inherent to every household. I consider myself lucky in this regard and am truly grateful for everything. This family represents an incredibly valuable treasure to me.

Side projects

Since there hasn’t been any noteworthy progress in my main line of work, I’ve had to focus on introducing my side projects instead. My side project in 2023 is writing in the SSPAI, where I published my first blog in July 2023. This article made me realize that my long-held interest and hobby in writing could actually bring the income for me; it earned me a fee for the manuscript. When I wrote that blog, I never imagined it would get recommended, nor was I aware of the SSPAI’s manuscript fee mechanism. My initial motivation was simply my appreciation for the Paperlib app. At that time, creating a video recommendation seemed too time-consuming, so writing about it felt like the better choice.

Following that first blog post, I continued to write several articles for SSPAI. Although none were featured on the homepage again, they attracted more readers than those on my WeChat public account did. Maintaining a regular mini-diary update on WeChat Public Account throughout this year has sharpened my observational skills and allowed me to appreciate life’s finer details.

Beyond RECAP

You might find this recap blog quite dull, as it deviates significantly from the typical content. Essentially, this blog is about writing for the sake of writing itself. I’m at a loss for words to sum up my 2023; I’m not even sure if it’s possible to encapsulate such a year. At least, I’ve penned down these imperfect, insincere words.

Regarding my blogging principles, sincerity is still key. 2023 was a bleak year for me; everything seemed to turn gray. My stagnation led to friends drifting away. I experienced failures in relationships with family and friends, including potential soulmates. Beyond personal connections, both my academic pursuits and career plans went awry.

Reflecting on 2023 at the end of March 2024 leaves me exhausted; however, I remain hopeful that tomorrow will be better.